Feb. 27,2011

I made it to Church today February 27, 2011 and even did my Life-group study. This week’s study: Why does God Allow Suffering and Evil?  Since Melissa death I have asked this question more than I ever did before. Even though I know God gives us free will and we humans make the choices we do which result in suffering and evil either for ourselves or others. However I feel that God allows us to go through suffering and seeing evil because he wants us to come running to him. I am just thankful that he is forgiving and loving as it states in

Psalm 100:5 For the Lord is good and his love endures forever: his faithfulness continues through all generations.

Because I have to admit I have not truly come to him and given him all my pain and suffering. Yes I know I should but it is not as easy said as done.  I also think God knows this and understands and allows us the time to grief however long it takes as long as we keep coming to him to help us get through it. Right now I feel as though how can I ever go on without my precious sweet baby girl that I prayed to have for 4 years before I was blessed with my pregnancy. I remember telling Dr. Campbell you don’t need to tell me the sex when he did the ultra sound I know God is giving me my little girl and he didn’t then after my c-sections months later the nurse ask me did I want to know the sex and I told her I knew it was a girl and we wanted to name her Melissa Ann she was shocked but I wasn’t. See Melissa is named after my mom Shirley Ann who is a wonderful woman and who I credit helping Larry and I raise her to be the beautiful young woman she is (was). So my prayer is for God to give me the strength and time I need to get over losing someone I love more than life itself.

Feb. 26,2011

Today I made it through the day of moving things out of Melissa room for Trey which was easy it was just my craft stuff. The hard part is when I have to clean her closet due to she left a lot of stuff here when she got married. Like year books, pictures and thinks that she had along with some of her baby things. I know when I get to the baby thing that’s a no brainer I will keep but the other stuff that is hard to know what to do with. Then we have her rocking chair, doll carrier and all her Cherish Teddies (figurines) what do I do with that. The thought of throw them out makes me physically sick wonder if Trey may want them some day for his daughter should he have one. It would be something he could share with her about his little sister.  When I made the decision to make pillows out of her wedding dress that was easy because we would always have them.  I am so tired of having to make decision due to losing Melissa. I would not wish this even on the guy that caused all these issues however; I would love to ask him what he was thinking back on the day he drove like a crazy person and caused Melissa to lose her life which took her away from her new husband and the rest of us that loves her to the moon and back.

Getting Ready For Trey

Today I begin to remove things out of  Melissa room into Trey's old room so that when he moves back he can have the larger room until he gets settled ,stable and ready to move out on his own. Which I feel will not be long as he likes his independence. Him coming back to Kingwood is sweet but scary as I think deep down I have been trying to fool myself that Melissa has been out of town as he has been. But now I have to come to terms that my wonderful son is moving back but we still will not have our Melissa and seeing him every day will make it real. Don't get me wrong I want him close to me and happy as I love him to the moon and back. I will just pray harder and try harder to totally give it to God to get me through it however Trey tells me Mom it's going to make it easier,just wait and see. He is such a wonderful son

Dream from God

I have really been struggling the past few months worse than ever and even had to go to the doctor which the medicine is helping but still hard. Family and Friends are praying for me and then last night I woke up from a drem.Melissa came running in my room and woke me up to tell me this exact words: Mom I am having the greatest days ever and then I wake up however I remember she was wearing the clothes we buried her in and her hair and make up is just beatiful. The colors were so vibrant not like your normal dreams so I guess what I am saying is that God sent her to me to let me know she was great and it was going to be ok. What an amazing God we have. Then I learned tonight from my mom she prayed for a long time yesterday holding Melissa and Jon wedding picture for God and Melissa to somehow let me know things were going to be ok. You see my mom always know when I am extra sad or sick, so when I am talking to her she tells me about her prayer and then I get the joy of telling her about my dream. WOW it that not amazing I think so.

To New Beginnings

I choose to start each day with a prayer which I have done for a very long time but for the past 10 months and 3 days it has been hard. You see I lost my precious sweet baby girl Melissa in a terrible auto accident caused by a road rage driver on April 23, 2010. What makes it even worse as he did not even stop to help he ran which makes her death even harder to deal with. We have been taking this one day at a time my husband along with her brother, husband, other family members and many many friends. I am choosing to create this blog to help heal and hopefully make people aware of how they drive and what can happen if they drive crazy.