It is 10:00pm the night before Thanksgiving and I have no desire to do anything pertaining to Thanksgiving. I did get the fruit salad made, dessert ready, and fixing to help Larry get the turkey ready to go in the smoker. But really I could care less, the only thing I want to do is sleep but I know that is not health for me. So I am pushing myself to do things to try and keep my mind off of know that we will be missing my precious sweet Melissa again this year and the next and next. We won’t ever have her for the Holidays or special events like her big brother’s wedding coming up. She would be so happy for him as she loved Lauren and Gavin. She already wanted to spoil him rotten before she was taken from us. I keep thinking how much Gavin would have loved his Aunt Melissa and I want him to know about her but how do I tell a 4 year old about her. Since I have no clue how to I guess we will wait till he is older and can understand what a special person she was and tell him about the first time she meet him and gave him ice cream even though he didn’t eat his dinner. She kept him entertained while we all visited with one another. She would have been proud to see Jon made friends with him as well.
I will go visit her tomorrow but not where I would ever want to visit her. Someone ask me today why I would want to put myself through getting upset on Thanksgiving. My reply was “You must have never lost a child or you would not be asking me that. As I then told her I will be upset regardless at least this way I can brighten her headstone with pretty flowers and know she is watching from above thinking my mom really loves me.” Then I turned and walked away because what I really wanted to say was not something a Christian would say. Plus why would I do something that would make God sad when it is him who has helped me get through this horrible storm.
I have to get myself together for Trey, Larry, Lauren and my little Gavin as he cannot see his Nana upset. So as I am going to bed now I am going to pray hard for God to get me through my 2nd Holiday without our girl.
Melissa I know you’re watching and know that we love you but I have to say it anyway
I love you to the moon and back as well as all my other family and friends.
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